I May Vote Democrat, but This Is Why I’ll Never Be a Democrat

The Kansas City Chiefs have just staged a historic comeback and snatched the game from the San Francisco 49ers, 31–20. The clock has expired and KC fans are delirious and triumphantly celebrating and, wait, what’s this? Officials are now huddled, conferring without audio so we can’t tell what they are saying and — hold on, hold on — officials have just declared that based on a formula that factors in fan preferences and which concession item was today’s top seller, San Francisco is in fact the winner of Super Bowl LIV!!